My story with HarryXHermiony and emo
by XxXHaRrY-RaDcLiFxXx
Summary: This stoy has Harry and Hermiony learning new spells for transforming animals and while they are doin so they fall in loves. There is a new characters named Alex who is an emo.
1. c haptor wone lol velocichapta

CHAPTER 1

Once there were these guys named alex snd they got to go to to Hogwartm and in the year that Harry Poter was in because everyone said that they were really liked the Alexs and when the Alexs went to Hogwarts Harry potter said to them "Hey you guys are rilli cool and I want your friend. Then the Alexs were friend with Daniel Radcliff and Ron and Herminonesy and they all were going to go to the big Hogball for the dance. "Hey Alexs can you go to the ball with me for a danc' said the girls. "No I hav a date with Harry Radcliff and we are going to dance and live in Hogwarts.

CHAPTER TWo

Snape was going to the class but the Hermynony was late because a spell made her late 'what made you late' said Snake 'couse you are not in my class early' 'I was late because of the quiditch match because Daniel Potter was a player and ron and the Alexs helped him win.'

No that is not good enugh for my class' said snape because Iwant you to have detention"

OH NO

CHAPTER 3#

We have to get the Herino out of detention said Harry because Daniel Radclif won the quidxitsh match and now shes late for class. Ron help her quikc! "No the Alex will be better than me cause everyt one lives him coz he are the best guys ever and the best at magik. "I wil hep Hermmniones with geting out of Snape."

"Thanksyou Alexs I love you " said Herninoey when he got her out,

CHAPTER 4

And so th alexx went and gut Hernimoniinemoaq out ov the detenction. Snappe was a lazy gy and weas sleeping because he was drunk on poshuns so the alexsz didn't get to yous all there magficx but were stil rly cool.'t'''hanks said herminono "you savd me Alexs and I will will go to the Hogball wsith you and Harriy Potcliffe"

ChaptER 5

Snape didnt like it but they went to Hogsmead the rilli nice town that they sumtimes go to. But they did anyway. Everyone in twon rilli liked tha Alexs because they were rilli grate guys. Lets get a drink or sweetys from a shop that I like. The alecsx saw a owl and they got it for harry but he had one so they put it back but then relised they neede an owl so they got it again but then saw a better one so they got both but the shop owner was ut of owls so Alexsz were a bt sad but theyr spiretirt helped them to g

CHAPTER eight

All the Alexs were in the gig hall in the middle of Hogwart and practizing all theyr magik coz they were the bast dancer and got an award for magic because they coud do all the magoic in the world.

CHAPTER SiX

Dumbeldoor went to the office and found Voledemot in the office and he kileed dumbledoor but he was still alive afterwards. Daniel Radclife said 'Alexs wi need ure help with the Voledmert promble.' The Alexs went to the Volbedermot and he did a bitg spell on Herminonoe but it wasn't Herrymine it was the Alexs. A lot of them diesd but theyr was a lot of Alex aso there were alot ssome left.

CHAPTEWR SEVBERn

Voldermoter said "hahahahahahahahahahahaha I have kjilled some Alex and now Daneil Redclife is weak because the Alexs were prtocting him from Voldermert.' He did a big spell that looked like a kamehameha from drangball Z like Fegida dids to Goku and killed him and he went to heven but came back from life to be living agen.

CHAOTER Eigh8

Goku had to bettle Sell because he was a bad guy who wentto the Vegitda to hurt thre Alxesz but they were too many powrefuls and Cesll died instead and Vegtiro asid OH NO but thn he was dead before he could say it anfd Friezsa came back and hurt Gokuu but the Alexs knew Kame hame HA and the Alex used it and Feiasz died for the thrity-nine times th. Harry potclfi was amazed and the Aledxs weren't becorz the magics they used are not realy thatg imprssive to him anymore becausr he was used to them. and thenthe Cell was kild "said harry potta

Chpater NINEN99.Ni9

The Vodalmorts was scared so thit ran from the back of that quiet teachersa hed who u wouldn't hav throt was abaddy but was and then Vodlremot yelld at theaLexs "I wil b back and then you ill die when ZI do a big spel Alexs you here Me/?//?!?!/1?"" said the vdlmret. Then HHhreomoino was happy and kissed the alexs and Daniel Radpoteer because sheis a little hore and she won't b in the next bpook

ChAppa 10

_In wich we get the first of deez lil introz_

Chpater ELEVEN

The other ppl came from other shcolls tro Hogwertsa and do to do a compeishon of the big gold magic cup Where are wegoing to do?" said Ronne "We are going to win! That's wher!" said all of the aelxs at once. It made a rilli big sound becoz theres a lot of Alexs in the Alexs schoolldormitoi and it woke up and owl but it went back to sleep beause It wasn'ted to slepp. Herminoes said "I rilli love the Alex s ' but we all know shi loves Daniel radcliffe and ron and Alexs because she a little ho. Just like Hrnionmore.

CHAPTER !2

Hernimioneo;s a W hore! OOLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLLOLOOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOL9OLLOLOLOLLOLOOLLOLLOOLLOLLOLOLLILOOLLOLOLLOLOLOLOILOLLOLO;LO;OLLOOLLOLOLLOLLOLLOLOLLOLLOLOLOLLOLLOLLOLLOOLLLOLOLLOLOOLOLOLOLLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLLOLOOOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOL said Heninmeo

CHAPTER 12

The Dragonbasll was hidden inside the cave all long says the Goku and small mane with bald and dots on his hed.

poem

Dragonballs,

Super Saiyain

Sighting and Shootong

I'm going 2 Die

Dragon.,

CHAPTEWaR 12

Hayrry 'said the Alexsc"the fdragon is goig to breathe frie at u LULK OWT!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh no said Raptod Pottor "you ar right unless you are jokkin. But' it was anot joyk said the Aelexxs. Whooseh "sid the dragons firebreth and the Harry Potradcliffe dived ount of the way and was saved thaxn to he alecS becawse he pushed him away.

ChapTEAR Thri 13

Many Voldmmots died

ChaptR 4

Then Vloerdmotrt shot a big poo at him LOL)OLOLO)LOLLOPMAO not rilli it wasn't a poo it was a magic that killed him olol OHNO HIS DEADE

CHAPTER 15

OHNO

CHSPOTER 16

But Vodde4rmurt was dead like every1 new so THE END

hAPTER 188

The Aelxsx z xzxzs ew ssx were a hero and they were given many million mdeals each and the Prsident of Hograts and mahgic and wizards and Hedrmomino gave them their own perdsonail stamp ouv approvl each but in Herminoooen case it was dsomething whory

THEHEND said Daniel Photclifffe

HEMORNY

HERNEJNIONE

HERMII

HERMEOAI

HERMRATIIO

HERMINIENEEO

HERMINE

HEORME

HORMRONRIE

NORTHERN BALD ESAGLE

IO

HERNMIONEBRUNSWICK

HERRATTIGGA

HMIO

HHHHHHHHHHHHH

HERNIMtheOEOIENOEendNIONMEolol


	2. CHAPR2!

HARRY POTTER AN THE HoLY GROIN

the alexs said.

CHo0pler1

(rede this chapter after first one.))

the whip hit ihim . HARddly. ouhc he dsaid 'but i do this cuz i need to feel pain to feel alive to be alive cuz if i dun get whip n

hurt then i Die.'

(this is baddy. He is sick bitch. srs u wil sc what i mean later.)

"I liek pain but i dun liejkto loze.' he yelled. "I WIL GET U ALEXS. THA PAAT DUSN T GO AWAY. U CANTRUN AWAY FRUM PAST BEAUSE YOU CAN STILL REMBA IT EVeRn if it corsed srs bad mentyul defishunsies. no wate i mene unless it did . cuz then u cant remmebar it. cuz brane ruinid. Lol retards. I h8 em. Fuk em, srs. Fuck em all 2 hel cuz they the gay and dont deserv fud n such."

omg what a basterd m i rite???

plz coment.

moree stoy dun bottom of here lol bottom but kepe going.

CHAPTER TWO

(read b4 first wun0

"I have had enough of yo0uib alexs!!!' scremd Harry. "this itme you yhave gone to far!!!"

he shit mqagic at the alxex and they flew acros rum and mayk big hole in wall so the hole luk like alex shap like in WB cartuns .

Hermopan rushned in. "WHAT hAPPNIGn!!!!"???

IT IS TO LAY8 HERMONEIDE' harry screme. 'i hav kilt Alexsx!"

Hermoinoen eenoene eoneoneoe eoneoneoneoenoeone noe noe noe noe nonoeno enowe mno we wejmowejnoweno enwer mnowe we noweno nowe n said "OH NO"

Then ROn cume in and say "wht is going on?'

and Harrryo tells him to shut uop because nobody like him. Also he is not in plai. LOL U THINK IS ACTUALLY HAPNENIN BUT ISNT CUZ THEY Ar DOING a school pordcution. also herm was too late for coming in as she missed her q becaus she stoopid and fat now frum eating dicks and cocks (kuked chikns).

THe prudciotn is caleld "The Life N Timers of The Aklelsz."

A play by the Alsaxas, esq.

It about all things tath ALalze du and Hayryr paoeeter! dos and then go hom for medals and luv n KKK metings at midnite (but they go in gy forks masks because the KKk things luuoke well gay or like a ghost LOL says darkies. watcha gunna do casper lololloool o i c u lynch me o wel at least i get to go backa to the mother land in the ski.)

Chaotwer 33333

DARMATIS PERSONIEA

((tahst a wordd i lernt frum my dramas (i luvm cultur nd try mak myselves ril clituredLOLCLIT but srsl fokes) the words means ARCTING PPLS whic latin for whoo the ppl ar)))

1 LORD ALEZX MAGICKSINGTON THE IIIRD esq.

the bset magicer in all osf everyt thing and apll the pepls. in love triangel but the tringle has like, 7 sides. he cant help he a playa he sloves allp leple cos he bisexshual nd lov ppole 4 there mind nut they're body he so smart also it reilly hot 2 c 2 hot emo bois kisin m i rite? .com/watch?v=DqxMep9IrPg&feature=PlayList&p=7683E5C9AB2CBA8A&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

2 HARY "HARRY" POTTARE "POTTER"

**Harry James Potter** is the title character and the main protagonist of J. K. Rowling's _Harry Potter_ fantasy series. The books cover seven years in the life of the lonely orphan who, on his eleventh birthday, learns he is a wizard. He attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to learn magic. Under the guidance of the kindly headmaster Albus Dumblolledore, Harry discovers that he is already famous th roughsexout the wizarding world, and that his fate is tie

4 HERNMO ND RONEMO

Throughout his school years, Neville grew from a shy, introverted boy into a courageous defender of Hogwarts. He was an important member of Dumbledore's Army who fought in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries, the Battle of the Astronomy Tower, amber 6, 1928),[1][2] familiarly known by only his surname, "Hagrid," is the groundskeeper for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and also the Care of Magical Creatures professor. He is a piss

act o1

VOLEEDDRT RUNNIN AROUND STAG IN A DRES COZ HIS ON A STAKEO UT ND TRIN 2 CACH BADDYS COZ HES HARRS PARNER (IN ANTICRIME NOT FUX COXS TATHS 4 ALXS) ND THER and od cuple cox its realy funny cos hes so bumblin dummy mut alexs is srs and goodcop/bad cop bad cop sexy

ENTER ACT I

ACT 1: Welkim to me. i9 is act.

Alesxlxs:" lol pis ov.

act 1: k sry

alaeraxs: we hasv grate sho tonite gys.

HEY ALEDS!" shoutd Malfio. 'I AM THE HOST AND YOU ARAE NOT WHY ARE Y(OU DOING HOSTL:Y DUTIS???"

"hai. I'm DUmble B. Blee Doore dressed as Haggersz, ' saed Hagegrs. 'stfu Malf. u out of play nd Slitherin nd skool nd magic cuz i say and Alexds want mor parts consderin how important they are.'

"Oh fairanough.' malfoY says, leaving with great haste4 becasuse dones't want to gret on aAlexs bad side. 'ilu Aeelssxs.;' 'idc says Ales"'"

Host (Aaels):In sho i am damnce and harryy is backup dancers . Hermao zedong is hor so not in sho. Ron is fat guyhu eets set and makes scene but we dint plan that RON STOP ETING SET."

dun mind mi,' Mqalofy sed. 'i just her to get bags" Alesax magicked an arse to his phace and kicked him in both arses. 'DONT Let dor hit u on ars on wai out. or aface. or either. dont hurt self u asrse." Mr door hit malfoy in the arse. "U dum shit, i sed not tu do that" yelt alExs. He hit him also. and thwen the revolving Dumbldor hit him (arsewise)-. Troll come in. SMash place up. AL:EXS TO RESCUE but haRY radical radclife punchs it in neckj and hed n hurt it all bad-like. WAITE shout Malfoy. but not wel cus has ass on face so actuali is ded becoz bum cant breeth ''Waite "shoutd Aledxs" 'is not trol. HAGGERS NOOO. y yu get scaly? And hairy and gren? R yiou a lawyar? lolol but no. what haopopen?' ""I forget pils this weke. prescripon not cum throo! Wy doktor betray me? why whywhy?' 'Doc hoo?' ask ron wif mouthful of cardbord trees. 'DOC SNAPE" SHOUTS Hgarid, with last breath. Malfoi trys to giv CPr but is reilli CParse and poos in ded Haggers mouth. then AMlfoy dies an cuz dies his bowels weken and loosen n he pooz mor. 'LOL' shouts Haryar n Alexs but Alexs first because is better. 'hay Hemmere luk shit. is yor pharmissy. i mene phamily,. ha luzer. now clean shit up.' N E wai scremes Dumbol creme. "wi now ned tu get snape n punch his arss.'

"I WIL DO' cries Ron becuz not afrade to show felings (is nu age kinda guy n sensitive n stuff lol asl ladies LOLOLOL). "Ron u fat. so gud idea u need exasize. get to werk n hert Snape a lot.' sez dumble. Harry: "I think I will go and fite Vodlemett." "y wut he du?" asks hagers. "YU IDIORT DUN U C HE HAS TURNED MALFOY INTO AN ARSE MACHINE"

ONO

Aledsx: IN this seen i go to Minster of majik who is evel and holdin Hagrill'd becos he is troll. dikhad i no but styll in a contrakt so watyagunnado?????????

CHAOPTer fore as in luk out for chapter 4

PUTTIN THE ARSE IN ARSEISTED LIVING

but srs tho, those guis are lil trooperz. also srs tho this not have ne shit ppl who cunt do ther own poos in it.

read this chapter last!!!!!!!!!while Runne was punchin bad vuldemaert Harru was holdingg the homefront at the home HQ base at homeland headquarteras. "IT gets real loney out her in the frontline ' he saed to himself. but also there was Harmonie their he was saying it 2 insted. 'u no u could skooch up real close nd we get warm in the cold.'''

"y that?"

"coz we be fukin and rubbin our woodyies togeter and that make fire like u do in campfyres"

"lol "

she moved in real closer and pushed her titties up real closer upwards so they were all pusged up and squishie at harryies face. he was all like feelin them and squishin them about all over the place. then her top like blew off and he wet to grabbe them so theyd stay stil . then he said 'wers ur nipps?'

But there were no nips just some nothing onn them. in her gaps between boobs tjer was a little hole and she did a grunt and farts came out nd Harr dfollwed thru and she pooped and lefta skidmark on him costume.

him willy got all big and did her in the bum.

READ THIS CHPATER FIRST


	3. Go to bearb

ONCE UPON A TIME

all the budcdies forme HAOgwats had fund out that hOgwattrst s wads gfone fiur good. But not reolly. it just got movedd toe AMERIAC. THEY had to hide fromt VLoderertmy andew what bedder tahtn acros a sea. ASEAOFMAGIC

"what do?"

'wer gounna go to der subwry' seed RONN who was blac coxz he was livin in the HArlem. '";NIGGZ.'

"elts' go to NEY YOURK sqare nd get da subwaye ' so they did get in that subtrane and took the subawya to thren statute of Libery cox ther schol was hidn inside ther ststue. TE LIBERTY bell range and told them it was time fcor scholl

CoBBLER 2

"all them medales I wun r giivn me the rons lol ur shit ron geddit? Al of em ar cumin out in poos.' Saed oAxlls dress as lede singr of MY CHEMIAL ROMSANCE BEXT BOND ENVER.`I wuld do the gererd wai btw'

'yu eet maedls? ii put in stew and feed tu bums bcoz of chairty" sed harry drest as alexs for hallowine.

lol u sied bum said Hermology.

,u dume slut. how dare you talk about that in ter presents oif Allexs

{ the son of Jessus's's sun((becauxs lon tym ago]) ' said blind yet can see like weirdd fings reall well like is siekick priest in robesof holy. '' you get punish by goin tu hell nou."

'BI giung teo (2) HE'll? as in ther r twoo bi he men going in mi at 1onse?. qweryt/aksed hhHermarasty.

'ohg (9( OHG stunds 4 "o his god" cuz preest dun tak lords name in vaine) yu kno tings u b priests now"

;wow tings r chanign so fast fur me as in fur cusz havent shavd in wile as in wild buzh cus havent shaved az in dun ther as in on the fany" said Fatha. Herm..

"wtf stfu foad cus storay about Alleds and Haryry." aid rOn.

"stfu ron you not get on owr gud siedd yu skatin on thin ice cuz you keep puting spicams in my toylet." said haryu.

lil did thay Know what wer ongoing on ::; that the priyts was ….the …..bazilsk…..!!....!

Chpapr5t44! !

A/N: I LIKE THIS CHAPTER.

Veldtdert sed 'I can feel evilk mounding oin then west/east dewnpendin on wer u r lol . mabbe ther is a evil mounndin in the east/West THERFOR" he sid, puttin on som rate boffin glases nd look thro a micoscopy "I MIGHT just no wer haorgas dispeard 2. GET MY cote low servnt. 'he SREAMS.

'YESIWILL' screamd Bilbo baggings. then he got a coate nd wore it on Vlond

LOLCROSSOVS…………………………….WITH HARY PORTER (my favs).

So Biblio went to MODOR and told big ey on towr there aws a Hargerts in DA states.

'OMFG GTFO SEDI BIG EYe.

'nou'

"r u for srs?

"ttly"

then **Bold**ermert went to US OF A.

The Amercs saw him in da strt nd fought him that he woz evil. he realazed that h had 2 blend in so he go a ILY NY tshirt and looks likke a rate toorism.

~*~*~^$MENWILE(^~)~*~*

"WOT DID u just hav?" sed harru

"pizza' seid ROnnE

'NO LOL I MENT CLASS.' sed Harru "LOIL YOU FAT FUCK U STINK LIKE SHIT.' nd then the dragon took a big dump on Herniom nd the compshion was over OHLOL we fugor to menshon she was in a compediton an if she lost many of them shed die. LOL SOZ FOR NUT TELLING U FOKES.

CHAOTTERER & (caspital seV3n cuz big chapter)

Priest Basilisk said to big Eye(sore Ron I memba!) "Luk awaht I gut is caled Heringer shi nows thigns and wil b owr prohfet.'

"onon! u triked me and now ih8 you' sed HEremener. "SHUT. Now I tork. Elo priest of evil I r the Sawron. I am big eye but wer used to b a evil means but then died but not rewlyi and now ma actuly more gud (as in better) thant everr. Ic ken c everything. y wi need this smelly gitbitch?'

' mayb yu CAN see eveyhing. but…SHE CAN DSEE EMROE of everyhitng!!!!" said presti, sShokingly

' owow.''

"Yer i hav ben keeping mi power a secret, wl no not seckret but like b- uh….lyk yu know….um.."

'b-hind clost dores?" offerd Sauronne.

'yer thast it.

ONO I SCARD URN AWI.

Cunt do thet now I wil see you to deth." said Hemrindelini.

Thre basilisk and large eye went all looki at her but sh e luked more and didnt turn to stone like from baslizk or get seen a lot like frum bigg i. the two went running away and then Heragerine couldn't escape becaus it were al a trik so that the VOldeutrmots culd mov in and capchore er.

"Bring bring' said phone. "Hi said Harry" "' who u?''

'I voulndut. I got Hermeengin. mayke trad for baslisk?'

'we dun hav big snak.'

dun wory we'll privide you with your own" "cum du trad."

"No we haetHermone. Gbye."

"What you doin wi me?' said Basilisk ?

"SHUT UP I ASK YTHE QUEITOSN HERE" Said Aleaxsbein da bad cop (HAOT). Where you on the 15yth?"

" hoem." "Oh" said Hary. 'sry to botha u. go now" "NMO he lyin look at proof I plant in blaks'apartment cuz we Amercian cops we h8 on the palays playas**"

"omfg lol" "I white like you though! lyed snake priest.

"BOOK IM BOYS." Then irish cops thrpow him in small cell with big doors.

and balconyo overlloking the bearby beazch.

CHAPT!! 9876

In MocDalands rONe ate lot of fuud whislt txting ppl. "HHLO I M FAT NOW CALLL ME IOF YOU ARE INTO BBW"

"Hay litsn buddy are you going to ypay for that fuoud ?" aksed counterwaiter.

'I wuldbut I ate mony and wallt n also sry about eating u.' gagged QrONE as he choked downe attendant.

Suaorn and **B**asilisk came in and saw Reonn( how cude they not LOL?).

"Lets catfch him!!' whispert Snayk. 'K.' agred the other one.

"OFUC scremd Vol De Mint. 'My servents are eated. I louse."

Yer lets recap: Hermi becum priest then is kilt cus nobodyt cares abut her. Basilisk pope and Big eye Saron was swallowrd by the Ron who are now his own nayshon. Hary and Alesxs went to jail for crimsagainst humanity for nut bein in buk enouf (LOL NT RLY r cops fitin aginst corruption in polise forse) and Hargrid hung himself after Harry said he onli likd him as friend –this is hot becus emo. POUR HARGID N HIS DEEP DARK SOLE.

'ALEXES N HAORY!! HEPL"z! yelld the Dimbledore. "Its ROnne he is eatin Nu Yawk."

'o g wiz. fat shit. still, he bettar than Herminohuge.' breathed Aelsxxs.

'Libverty statue came tu liyfe when I use magic bu t is still losuin. you mut get to the city and fite him better to win the love of the world once again.!" GO NOW SHOUTED DUMBLE.""

VCHAPTP!! #88

'ONNOL the stuate of bribery LOLSOZ Biberty is losin, whyb dat hapnen?' sai person

'iI dun no I never seen er like dis.."

SHE IS CryiNG ! yeklked NEW Yorl

nd she was…

THEN alwses climmed up to the crown of statu whech he be callin "GOOds OLE cROWNY of literty'" and shoued 'I no w3hute is ronge! The stateu needs ure love nd faithg.'

WHAT DCO YO MEEN? Said new oiosrk? "WEBELEVE BELIVE IN WHAT.

'no ther r some who dun hav faith they dun not belivie in GOD nd so thy dun belivase in MAERICO."

WHO?

Thes call demseves athests bu I coll then TROATER

Voldnemr desited he coud make Heringe come bac frum th daed


	4. Horry gets enrashed

HARRY POTER ANDF THE RETUNR OF THAT RASH

A/n:I dunt own this stoy (Harry Potter n co.) bhut I wiosh I did. one time I had a drem wher I was JK Rolling and I had big ass tities and touched them a lot. i9t was hot and so is she. XXX luv the Alexs

sed Haru cos of tha magic rash spell he got form Cho Chink gorl who got fromn Feltch gurndskeepaer when he rapped he in backk of debutant at prom in him van its alrigt im a doctor.

hay hary ive got a cream that mebbe' says ALexs "here it will give you matgic health."

'Kthx Alw3sx,' 'cus im itchin up a storm ova ere.'

' lol wan me to scraklcth thet with my teef?' sad Hermedmeio.

Harry borked with laffta,'nise tri but u hav no teeth, ebing traler trash n all.'

'lol'

Hazza-ma-tazz squirted some of dat shit on his offected areas (onli exrtenal use) & massaged litely into skin. "It feel all tingly and whatnot"

'yer,' sed Alesds. '

It suppost to" (but he sniggered quitely)

"WATE A MIN THIS IS STARTING TO BURN OUSH OMG OMFG OMGOMG" SCREMED HARRY.

'LMAO I tfricked you its actually fire" lorfed Alwed\s

"hahahaha gud one repleid Daniel pot.' But y?'

'because Hollyweene is coming up and I want to do lots of twinks but not treats cuz im sick of candy and eating - I'm pro-ana now u no:"

"I kniow.' Answed Hari.

'o'

CHAPAPT 2!

the nife came down and down andown a dokw and down again aodfn down and down uinto soft fluffy flesh nd crimsn life fulids gushes like blood alexy mouth droiped with it and he kild profes migit fuckin tiny midgit on bed

peopl com in2 bed room have shock look on there face 'WTF FUCKING WHAT?; FUCKIN WHAT.'

Al;ex ripped flosh more nd put it all ova place

"lol april folls"

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN BOUT

I told u b4. apil fools comin up n twinks and prona uno?

"I kniow.' Answed Hari.

'o'

U mean 'lol'

'lol'

chORPER 3

"I am Mrs Wesly,' said Mr Weasly.

'Dad gedout of mams clothz' ron yeleleledled. 'PERV"

'sry. So wut the problem with ol' Harri Botter then?

"he has a rash"

As if on q, Harry magicked a hej-hog and wiped its back on his balls 4 relief.,

' g wiz fellas.'

I. NO. RITE.

"Majik has failed us " says father Ron. 'Thats what ifink anyway: MUGGLES 4 LYF G"

'huh'

'nut rilli. But I do like them. Go to this unmagic dr. n maybe hell say what will ficks it." Ron;s dad gave him a business ca4rd.

So they did.

"I have medicine for that." Said dortoc

Harry almsot used it but recognised it in time. It was FIRE.

'WHAT'

DOCTOR WAS AELX

'o'

'lol'

'yeah lol' said everybody . Then rons dad came in and was aalwex'  
'HAOPPY BIRTHDFAY I QWWAS ONKLY JUOKEN YELLLEd i mean yelled the aloexs'.' Your prezent was fun."

The ahrry thank them (alexs) but scratched sum more on their rashed scin. They had tu get him kured rite away or his rash wud bcom him and hed b ded. probly

CHAPTERM FoYR

_In whic Hargie is a unicorn_

in showers ther is lods of hot guysd an after footbal gaems on broms called QUidotch nd some1 was peepin tom on them ad saw hagersid walin past 8in his jockies he was hung like a harpy' he said later to th othe giuuys like this big lol

'I dun bielf u' ur a fuckin lying cnut

"it tru it tru it tir it tru! Him wilkins wilcocks the exoct size of, shap ouf nd promximty to a hoers cock. Them unicrons all got him big willy near them big wily

"I wish ma wilkons was near hors wil' sad Nevil who was mosly Asin an had v tiny proximty it was barley naer to a hores dic at all.

unicons gots 2 horns

THATS THE JOKE

CHA5TER 5

IN space no one can herar tyyou scrtem. That why u need a loudspeakr or maybe mafgic. the alex have both. Space is lkike a big black cape in your mouf and that's why you cant breath in it. While its in you. Stars are like glitta in the cloth that mayks it pritiALecxxs and Hary and Hairymoine n ron and DUmble dor an Harged werlyin on grasssy hill passin round a spliff, lukin art the stars/

"Did you ever tyhink how big the world i?s say Alexs.

' nop' replied Haryr

'It real big"

"omg,' shotued Snape. 'whart if put wolvedemort all the way on the other dide of the werld?'

`Evertybody sat up and agrede. HAHAHA you cannot do that becAuse I m alreday hERE! Suddenly a stars came down frotm the air and trunt into Vlodamurt. Then he sai 'Now you and i ahve tu go into space Alexs and fite 4 the afinal tiym.'

Wat about mi?" cried Harry "Daniel Radcif" Rad. 'I wanna helpp to!'

"no honey is best if you stay here.' Alex paatted his bf on the sholder then made out wiv hima bit. Harry got tounge. THsedn Harry swapped the cum into Harmony's mouth and it was hawt . Shi swalled it & waz just hapy to get attnsion(both in temp n sexyniss_. The million of heroez (aLexsx, 'memba?] used they brume to flie in2 spase with Valdermo

ChapTTE THE NEXT

"I wish" confieded Horry to the Hermerdion 'that I culd ov gone with him and fort the baddies.'

'But ou can! Lets goa dn kill Vodlernmt jr.!' suggested Run.

'he is mounting a atteck from the rear of the country' instructed Dumble who always knows lots of shit. 'so go to the bum of the country (Irelond) and kill hime army and then him'

'How?'

'Do it slowli or else the bok wil end too sune.'

'kthx dumble uv always bin there fur uz.' 'I try!' he exclaimed, vury plesed with himself. unfortunately he died of aids the ugly faggot. ALso Volermurt the IInd (Wormtongue) gave in 2 him because of him all being evil. Hi had madgic thet cud do it. So he did du it to the l8 Dore. For all his bad bits the junior baddie was gud at killin ppl whu r born rong whu want to fuk they own dudes with same gentials. now god could put thigns rite and purifi the Dumbleur's confuzed sprirt. UNles hed coruptet othas in wich case hed burn 4eva n eva lol


	5. pork between a pork and a pork place

HARKY PUMPER AND PRINCE OF PORK II

(a/n: if you not red first book you will NOT get dis one atall so ebtta go do that cuz I know you havnt cuz I haven't writen it yet.)

rarry stood up wiv much efforte. He hobled to thqa toilit by hisself even tho doc sayd no. He dun his pissin okay but fell ova on the way beck. If u eva sine a turtel onits back then yuk no what hi looks like atm. he were stukk there all night until nurse came in to clean up him shits he cannot help doin cuz of the carkrash wht hapon in last book (SEE yer all outta sync)!

"MR RADCILFF" shriekd the sexy healthworker. 'why you dun ther? I not hulp u unlez u hilp urselves,

she stomp out in a huf lyke wimenz doo all the time (lol mirite fellaz) . Herly cride so many tears he went dry, but then h drank them an i9t sustained him fru the next cupla wekes til Alesc cum to cunjegal visit (if youd read last buk you wud now y he in prisnon)./

Alx looked down at him on the floor. "lol"

'its not funy"

'But you fell"

'Lol oh that I thought you ment this hallmark card my moum sent over."

'aint she ded?"

"wut'

ChAPptr 2

'we gona break ouf tonite' he saiyd menstruosly bein in shados.

'but wo if they find us

"sok coz I shot dem"

'good we make a run 4 it"

'yes"

"revengrevengerevnge"

'yes you can hav that'

"ty"

"now for tghe breakout"

then the mestyros men broke out

I BET YOU HAVE NO FUCKEN IDE WOTS GOIN ON YOU FUAKAN NOT READ THE BOOK

then they broke out and made a run for Hary Po who was hidin in on the floor of prison cel in his HR Pissnshit coz he fel over coz of car acident when a magic duck flew inna the windowscren

they hid behind the cel in the next rom waitin til alexs left after a quicky

the road was dark an messy and rain was all ova the shop. 'y dun you use a winscrenwipa hary' sai ron

'shutfucking ron u fuck I shit when u talk' Harry didun like to us it becau he a man an men nevr stop 2 ask for turn on the wipas when thers rain

then car flipped over on the roag becaus then one on the alexs was givin harry head an hi came and the alexs forgot that whenver he blew a load he vishusly jerked the sterin wehel 2 the left ( he'd olways thprt it was pretty cute and sometimes laffed at it then got a smak in the gob) an his cume made a oil slick an the car flipped on it crooning into the stretpostlamppoarst

they crolled out of the reckige and died

alone in the woods in the middle of nowere with not evun a lamppoarst to light up the wolvs and bears that weregonu kil them they wer al huddled round the car fire. 'R WE gonna be okay yet?'

"I dun no, Harue, I dun no.' said a one alex becau a lot of them dies

CHAOPTER 3

Tara HagReid had a head pane and set boltuprite in Dumnble bed becus whas sleping there. hed pain was from psychic vision he has sometums when loved wuns in danjer.,

Whassa matta u?' Dumbledor says, running old grey finger down Hardgerds chest.

"Harry n Alexis in trouble!'

'Woof woof woff!" barks Mcgonagull at foot of bed.

'SHADDUP LASSIE" Dumble yells, bonking her on the snout with a nuspapepr. 'this is no time for the old mill!'

'Ohn the contrarty, my love,' Hagrde says, looking over sunglasses. 'The pair of heroes r the old mille.'

'ONON! But that's wher Old Man Voldemord's ghost died innit?'

'Yep. Looks like the begginging of a advencha'

Headmaster (i. of givin head) Dore yanks McGonagil chain. "Get daddys slippers.'

Mlafoy lean5t ova Goil's huge tits to grab Crabb's tits. 'See Hermonoin? This is wat we culd be doin if you just shuffle on over.'

"But Im savingg my tits for mi honeymoon,.' she moped, frouning."THEY STILL IN MINT CONDISH"

lol no I ment you can hav a grope of Crabbie's!" Malfoi laufed.

Hippomione grinned as big as all the fields of Wales. 'K!'

She slid up the bench and was SO close to the boob she could feel the heat of their breath on the back of neck/tits. BUt sudenyl the moon made a shape.

"Oboy oboy!' she cried, hopping out of the car. "it's the Haggers signel! Haggers is needed!"

Malfoy's mouth dropped open as he was shocekd. 'r u the mysterious Haggersman?'

'nuuuuuuuuuu im is sidekike: Hermgerl!' she usually wood get inna phoenbox to chang clothes but there was none around so she used her mobile.

Thse cape was so olong that it was impractical so Herniaectomy cut it down tu a more approp. she flew off in2 ze night and the Malfoty gang stayed where they were. "Sumday im gunna impregn8 her and force her to get a magic abortion'

Crabe spoke up for the first time in his life: 'but condums r free and magic ones you cant even feel in fact sometimes the sexcs is better because of them?'

'I no bud. I geddoff on powa."

ChAPHTEr4

I sooooo dun ned this right now sed HARy. he had just croawld out of a car srash (difernt 1 he a bad drivr because he can only drive ons wiv magic (auto) an he only buy import cars n u can only get dem in stick shit manual I fink). he manag to avoid the fire and croll out of twistd metal (lol that's a band prolly). he look himself and check for damandge.

'No it dun klook like me got ne cuts or woonds wow taths lucky I didun get oh no.' then he saw the nife stickin in him back

fuck.

secret hiding man in shadows snucked up oh Harie crawling out of the car crash on the side of the whore. he puld out a nife to stab him wiv but something hapon

he saw there was a nife in him already. it was from the crash.

"oh wel I job here is done" he said a went home to his casle in hobwarts to get a breakout.

COPPER 9

Snape and Lucios glared at eash other from across the boardroom. Lucies snarled 'ya not going to get away wit this. I will sew the fuck outa you.'

'Ha id like ta c you try. I have lawyers from here to yin yang.' Snape boasted, pointing at his wazoo wher the lawyers were spewing out in a neverending torrent of themselves.  
"GASP" called Lucy.

Kernel Cornic Fudge stormed in. 'CEASE HIM!' he shouted pointing at Snap his many yellow corny ears floapping as he did so.

'You cannae du this I m a sitizin of da magioc!' he was taken away in drag style.

'thanks dad said Lcuius, smiling all eviil.

No probs,' hisdad Sweet Cornal Colonic Fudge replied, tipping his hat.

"NOW" anunsed Old MILFoy to noone. 'I ken run the world of muggles because they are run with a pen and not a wand or something lol im not good wiv polatekl mesgaes." He sat down at his rate big desk and the camera zooms out….dramaticali!

THI SAME CHAPTRE PART ii

Haggersmon flew in thru zi window, breakeng it to bits and looking so kool wile doing its. Hermgrrl used the dor like the conformit she is. "Hay guys! Wir here to save ya.'

Harry and Laexs were sitting around lyk nothuing was going on, all kewl and cashaol like. 'o hay wats up'

Haggers new what the joke was 'lol like you were just waitin round SO KEWL OF U'

Thats his only superpower.

Crazy ass irish blonde got up and slosh a huge mouthful of mouthwash inner mouth. She bables at her ten illegitm8ate chil'en, 'mummas goin out to werk for the man as in the men who wanna bhum me in the front bum."

"mah ur nuts'

'yurdi gurdi yurdi gurdi damn the proddis they always tryina kill us cathlicks wadda hell we just want tu be hour own nation under God without the oppressive regime of the British crown. Honestly, it's a bloody disgrace how the Troubles happened at all! Think of the violence that could have been avoided had they just let their insignificant bit of territory go, but no. And anutha thing, im pregs agen u gonna get mor bruvvas and sistesr. This menes u can kill more fuggen race traitrers wit more suicide bomz! hahahahahahaha"

She put on her best clothes for the job (the ones that were mostly tits and ass)

and sprinted out to her corner. "I'm late, I'm late 4 a very imprtoant date! With a man who wants a smelly fukk."

'hey there baby u want a gud time?' she said waving her goods at him shamelessly. I rpefer wen the whores mayk me work for it as in pretend to not b hookas and hide in their "homes" n I is gettin hawt just writine this I bettar gu git some acsion

\

wile im out u might wunda wer ron is

he die I car crash

lol

k im dun.

While she was away on the job three of her kids was stabbed, two of dem bi anotha kid, but she dint evin notice.

AND that's how Hary was in prison on the flor in rehab and the nurse left him 4 ded and then the Alexs came to visit him do u rememmember it hapebns in this bok. fuk u proly don even remember. you douldnt even mange to read the first 1 u stupd fuck I dun no why I even bovver huck u, redercunt


End file.
